I say goodbay to RL. + experience with my Lord Jesus

In the recent post, I got a lot of negative feedback for defending importance of Jesus being with you in Science (in the comment section).

Do I feel wounded by that, not too much. What happened is different.

From the early age I wanted that there is no secrets in the world, I believed whatever I felt had to be transmitted to the society. Why is that, because I believed when we hide something, it gives place to some bad habits. People can be not so open in their objectives.

As I grow I blame them less, the pace of the world, the amount of stress is so high. They just adapt.

But I feel like I am not suited to this world. I always lived in my fantacies. And also I was perfectionist. It was very easy for me to be addicted to video games, where you need to collect something, and become superhero in this not so real world. Outside felt for me aggressive, superficial and too demanding.

Online games became next addiction, as there were people who can assess your abilities, where not only dreams but my ego can be fulfilled. But very quickly I understood, that online games are also very aggressive environment. As I said I lived in my fantasies, online games very demanding, I became what I hated – demanding person, in terms of other players to be fast. I became aggressive – which is also what I could not stand. In the real world I often was loosing my stuff (because I lived in my fantasies as I said). People in real world were tolerating me better than I was tolerating newbies, new players.

So I was asking my Lord to take me from this games, as I could not. As soon as I felt hurted, I was returning to games, and hurting others there.

I was asking and asking Lord to help me. And then this Reinforcement Learning came, together with OpenAI Gym environment. Lord gave me a “paradise”. I could tinker by my own and nobody was there to affect me. No I did not participate in competitions, I was kind of behind, but could sit there and improve it by baby steps. This is how I was able to do DDPGII and Symphony.

May be I am authistic person? Who knows. It is true that the most of concepts in other papers can be kind of riddle for me. Yes I can grasp then, but it takes me may be month (better going through someone else code step by step). One person, Gonsalo, appeared, and adapted my algorithm to his routines so fast that I was kind of puzzled. For what I spent 5 years, he was able to grasp and use so fast (+ he created environment with Unitree for testing).

Critics wanted to shut me up here with my Jesus, but they don’t understand that without Jesus I would be may be robbed and killed ten years ago when I studied in different countries, as I am not fully aware of situation. How can they don’t understand that it is not me, but He who did something useful from my work (carefully and with love).

I completed my goals with RL I think. He (Jesus) drives me to other places more simplistic, but where Love and Tender is needed. RL always will stay in my Heart. And also I wanted to say that He loves this community. I did not want to post my results here, as I was aware of possible receptance. But when I wanted to publish in other community, He stopped me. I read my Bible, and the words there had meaning that I do by flesh (by my own will), not His.

When finally I wrote down it here, I was still not sure to post or not, and just by accidentally clicking on random space, the post was published. It is He who wanted this, not me.

He loves you, and I forgive you.

PS: your comments are the reason why I prefered to stay away from this world. It is easy for you to say something, you don’t feel what other feels, one day when we will be there we had to stay in front of Him and everything will be clearly open. I forgive you again. Jesus said forgive them 7*77 times a day, not to take weapons as some people blame Jesus for starting wars.